Sunday, March 28, 2010

Liberal Weenies Cry Uncle, Ask for Their Mommies

Liberal weenies today issued a press release begging Sarah Palin to stop violating their Constitutional right not to be criticized. In the release, they cited multiple instances of Palin unfairly speaking out against the $1.4 trillion annual deficit inflicted on innocent Americans by the Reid-Pelosi-Obama “Axis of Insolvency.”

”We can’t continue our profligate ways if she’s gonna keep insulting us like this,” said liberal weenie spokesman Chad Beta. “It hurts our feelings when she doesn’t like our plans to destroy large swaths of the private sector. She’s being mean.”

Indeed, Congressional socialists spoke out as well, passing a non-binding proclamation declaring “Sarah Palin is the meanest person in the world.”

”Oh, she’s mean,” said liberal weenie Congressman David Obey of Wisconsin. “Sarah Palin doesn’t like our ideas. She doesn’t believe we know what we’re doing. She thinks we’re running the country into a ditch. It’s harsh.”

Palin fans responded with a collective shrug. Conservatives4Palin poster Whitney Zhand yawned, while mumbling something to the effect of, “Oh, the weenies. Yeah, um, we’re listening to them. Ha!”

Meanwhile, President George W. Bush, from his ranch in Crawford, smiled, while holding up thousands of death threats he received while president, sent with love by the same weenies, and preserved carefully by the Secret Service in a scrapbook with heart stickers. “The weenies are real sensitive souls,” Bush chuckled. “They love mother earth and kittens, or something.”

Weenie spokesman Beta responded to the Bush response with explicative-filled rant unfit for print, but gathered himself to add that Bush hatred differs from the unbridled patriotism Palin is stirring up with her massive rallies. “Sure we hated George Bush, and we held up signs that said awful violent things about him, but he deserved it. Sarah Palin criticizes us for no reason whatsoever. And she encourages scary people to actually vote our weenie representatives out of office. This frightens us.”

Seven-year-old Autumn Coulter, daughter of an aspiring satirist, responded to Beta’s comments: “Stop being a weenie already.”

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