Obama's Aloofness Bothers Maureen Dowd

Et tu, Maureen?

Pres. Obama is taking fire from his left these days. This week the vile Bill Maher lamented that Obama wasn't behaving like a real black president in failing to confront British Petroleoum over the oil spill. Cringe-inducing MSNBC host Chris Matthews called Obama's lack of leadership in the Gulf oil crisis "frightening." And in a NY Times Column, "Cocktail Barbie" Maureen Dowd chewed out the president over his dismal empathy skills.

Obama and top aides who believe in his divinity make a mistake to dismiss complaints of his aloofness as Washington white noise. He treats the press as a nuisance rather than examining his own inability to encapsulate Americans’ feelings.

Isn't it funny what gets liberals in a knot, and the funny things they say, completely unaware of their own self-parody? The vile Bill Maher plays on the racial stereotype of black men with guns -- and gets away with it because he's liberal. If a conservative told the same joke about wishing Obama would "go gansta" on BP, they would be locked away forever in a PC-prison.

And cringe-inducing Chris Matthews? The guy who loves Obama's speeches? Well, Chris, maybe this is the first time you realized that words and deeds are two different things. Obama is a fine talker. Chris should know this. He interviewed an Obama supporter on his MSNBC program during the campaign and asked the supporter what Obama had ever accomplished in elected offce. The guest was dumbstruck, as if you had asked him to calculate the square root of infinity. Obama had no accomplishments. And Chris Matthews knows it. So, why is the president's inability to plug the damn hole "frightening" or surprising in the least? Most of us on the conservative side could have predicted it. In fact, Joe Biden predicted that boy wonder would be challenged in some crisis early in his presidency. Of course, blabber-mouth Joe was referring to a foreign policy crisis, but what difference does it make? Obama has never had to make executive decisions in a crisis because he has no executive experience.

And finally, the lovely "Cocktail Barbie" Maureen Dowd, who thinks a president's job is to "feel our pain." I'll admit, as a former liberal, that was one thing I loved about Bill Clinton: the way he could empathize with anyone. Dowd waxes nostaligic for the days of Clinton, and even suggests Obama offer Clinton a post as "Feeler in Chief." Would Maureen settle for a "Groper in Chief?"

I don't want a president who "feels my pain." I want a president who gets the job done. I want a president who isn't all talk. I want a president who doesn't have to resort to empty threats of putting a "boot on the neck" of anyone. I want a president who actually has accomplishments in elected office prior to assuming the most powerful executive position on the planet.

I want Palin 2012.

Post Office to Offer Appendix Removal on Saturdays

By Nicole O. Coulter, Associated Fibs

The United States Postal Service announced a new marketing initiative today timed to coincide with the passage of Obamacare last month. Beginning April 10th, the post office will provide appendectomies on Saturdays at their branches, in lieu of normal mail delivery.

At a joint news conference, the Postmaster and Surgeon Generals introduced the measure as a collaborative attempt to simultaneously provide quality healthcare to 30 million previously uninsured Americans while shaving some $350 billion off the Post Office’s annual budget shortfall.

The USPS also unveiled a new stamp celebrating the oft-maligned appendix, which, many Americans don’t realize is a three-inch-long, tube-like organ that frequently becomes inflamed and sometimes even bursts. The new stamp depicts its pre-ruptured, perfectly healthy state.

”We really had no choice,” said Postmaster General Jerry Newman. “We were hopelessly drowning in red ink. We had to upgrade our accounts receivable to sustain our high-quality delivery the other five days of the week. We felt that performing appendectomies as a value-added service would forestall layoffs among our elite corps of professionals.”

Business experts questioned the move but gave the Post Office thumbs up for creativity. “They really are trying to move up the value chain,” said Wall Street Kernal business editor Sally Post. “The fact is, despite horrific increases in stamp prices, fewer people are mailing letters. The postal service must expand beyond its core inefficient service and brand into other areas of potential failure.”

Surgeon General Meredith Grey said she signed off on the proposal only after assurances from President Obama that the extra service would be limited to removing appendixes, not other defective and useless body parts. “We feel the postal carriers already are in fragile mental conditions with the stress of potential branch closures,” Grey said. “At this juncture, it would be premature to allow them to operate more broadly.”

For his part, President Obama pointed to his concern about unnecessary tonsillectomies being performed by mail carriers, and signed an executive order stipulating that no such profit-making activity occur under his watch. “We have a long, proud tradition of losing money in the Federal government,” Obama said. “Everyone knows that removing tonsils is big business. I will not endorse anything that could be confused with free market capitalism.”

Mail carrier union head Gladys Horton said the union grudgingly accepted the surgery requirement as a concession to avoid Saturday branch closures, as well as to prevent the grim prospects of potentially fewer shifts of perpetually unhappy people. “We’ll deal with it,” Horton said. “We’re not happy about it, frankly. I mean, say someone comes in five minutes before closing time and wants their appendix out. Well, we’ve already cleared out our cash registers by then and locked the doors. So, this could get ugly. But certainly not as ugly as if we actually got laid off.”

Indeed, Homeland Security chief Janet Napolitano agreed that preventing layoffs among postal employees would be a life saver down the road – regardless of how many ruptured appendixes they removed. “If we can keep a disgruntled former postal worker from going postal, it will be well worth the cost,” she said.