Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Wait, Did My Get-Out-The-Vote Blog Inspire You to Take Out a Shopping Mall? My Bad

As supporters of Governor Palin we’ve grown accustomed to her defiance of political convention, and refusal to cave in to the delusional memes concocted by liberals and establishment Republicans.

The latest fantasy narrative is that she should apologize for being falsely accused of inciting murder. The mother-of-five who was instantly and incredulously blamed for inspiring a madman’s massacre has now been blasted for not being sufficiently apologetic in her reaction to those baseless accusations, her heartfelt declarations of sympathy and support for the victims notwithstanding.

But how do you apologize for not being the cause of something?

As Steve Martin used to say, “Excuuuuuuuse me.”

In the spirit of unwarranted groveling to the PC Gods, I’d like to apologize for displaying Governor Palin’s now-infamous targeting map on my blog, Conservatives4Congress. Kelsey and I, and others, wrote about the Healthcare 20 challengers. I hope the media far and wide will start to blame us conservative bloggers for our roles in random acts of voting, I mean, rightwing extremism.

Little did we know, little could we hope, that our irascible and feverish blogging would lead to a Democrat disaster: the sudden dismissal of 69 of their house and senate members. And frankly, it should be perfectly clear that we controlled the electorate – with grammar.

While I’m needlessly apologizing for everything under the liberal sun, I’d also like to say, I’m sorry for inadvertently causing the Galveston Flood of 1900 that killed around 8,000 people. That was never my intent. I wasn’t born yet at the time, obviously, but I have visited Galveston on multiple occasions. My in-laws live there and my husband grew up there. And everyone who knows me, knows I’m unabashedly windy in my conversation. I could have easily stirred up some waves -- given the chance. Hurricane Ike in '08, likewise ... my bad.

I should probably also fess up to the wildfires that scorch Southern California on a regular basis. I am a Southern California native, after all, and spent 16 years in the vicinity of these recurrent killer flames. I’m also somewhat of a hothead. No doubt, I share some blame and should “cool” down my tone.

And, finally, I have to admit, I was driving down 13th street in Wichita, Kansas right past George Tiller’s church the day he was gunned down. My church was actually a few blocks away on the same street, meeting at roughly the same time. I must have had something to do with it given that my car was on the same road as the killer's. And I am pro-life.

I think the only logical takeaway from this sad ordeal in Tuscon, is that next time a criminal strikes, we should all collectively take some blame. It's only fair.

In liberal looneyville, the only acceptable response to a mass shooting or act of terror, is in fact:

“Was it something I said? Oh, I’m so sorry! I'll try to do better next time.”

That way, we can replace a fabricated climate of hate, with a delusional atmosphere of self-loathing. Much better, isn't it?

1 comment:

  1. “I also take responsibility for air pollution and overpopulation, for the common cold and underarm wetness. And let me say this: in weeks to come I intend to take full responsibility for Pearl Harbor, for the Alamo, for the Cleveland Indians, for the PTL, for Joan Rivers’ career, and… and for the movie Ishtar.”